Littlun1066's Cancer Blog

The big decision...

A few weeks ago I started experiencing pain behind my eye and so I emailed my consultant and and he asked me to come to clinic the following week. They couldn't find any reason for the pain, but did find an area of tumour that looks suspiciously like it's growing again - even after 100Gy+ of radiation and two sessions of laser treatment! The plan was for another cycle of laser but they also warned me that the tumour could be showing signs of being resistant. They said that the only option in that case would be to enucleate (remove) the eye. As this has been a very real possibility right from the beginning, it was no great shock. I have been kind of expecting it since they said I needed to have the laser done. I had even been considering choosing to do it anyway! So, I came home and began to feel quite panicky at the thought of it still being there and still active. Then I started to seriously think about elective enucleation. After a couple of days I mentioned it to my partner - he didn't think I was over-reacting, he said it was my decision and we went over the pros and cons. I have spent the last two weeks trying to decide what to do. I have done nothing but think about it and have asked friends, family, work colleagues and the team at the hospital. Today, I finally reached my decision: I'm going to electively have my eye removed. There are many reasons why I have chosen to do this, indeed too many to list here, and some are difficult to explain in words. I felt a little sick as I emailed my decision to the doctors, but have felt a sense of euphoria and relief all day. My friend said last night that the decision-making process would probably be the hardest part for me (she was absolutely right) and that if anyone has the strength to do this, it's me (I hope she's right about that too!). She also said that if anyone can pull off wearing an eyepatch, it's me! I know I'll have to wear one while I'm waiting for my prosthetic eye, and I'm sure she'll make the most of the opportunity for pirate-related jokes! Bless her.
Kaysieb likes this post.
Kaysieb threw a punch at your cancer.
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I am sorry about you losing your eye. Sometimes we have to make very hard decisions. I know I am much, much older than you but if it was me, I would have made the same decision. Congratulations on getting your degree. That is wonderful. Will you still be able to do your same job after they remove your eye? My love, thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs, Joyce In NC
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Well, I have graduated with a first class honours degree in Therapeutic Radiography and have started work as a Therapeutic Radiographer in London. I'm loving my job although I get very tired. My latest clinic appointment went well - the bits treated by laser seem nicely "cooked" and they think I don't need any more laser for the time being. So...all is stable for the time being! Thanks for the messages of support from you all! xx
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Congratulations on your degree! That is so great. You'll be helping so many since you can share your experiences.
You go getting them..Hug sherri
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March 10, 2008

Kingston Upon Thames, Surrey, United Kingdom

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